I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
