I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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