Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
