I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
