I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
