ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
