talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My bed smells like the plague
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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