the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
