I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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