Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
