If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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