Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
