almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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