I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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