I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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