He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
should my penis look like a turkey
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
