eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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