The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
