This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
