Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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