Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
