did you get engaged???
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
