i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We need a shit load of segways right now
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
