I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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