he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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