the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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