is your mom at the bar?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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