Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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