he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
