Porn is love you can see.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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