we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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