I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
