I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
