no, he came in my armpit
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
