I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
