a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
