i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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