Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
whose parrot is this?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
