Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
