$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
