my vag is so smooth its legendary
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
