Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
