So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
