It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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