Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
