am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
barbara walters just said penis...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
