I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
