do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
