We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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