I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
