GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.