it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
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I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
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She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?