Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.