Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
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Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
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those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.