my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket