I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.