Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
