I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
