Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
