I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize