he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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