Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
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No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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