But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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