Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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