based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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