He kissed a someone with a penis
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
