I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Blood and glitter go together right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Randomize
