new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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