omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
