watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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