I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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