So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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