he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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