Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
