This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
