i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
