I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
